Funny High School Analogies

I got these from a guy at work...I thought they were pretty funny and wanted to share them. It says they were taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

I'm going to WASHINGTON!!

Okay...so I did it. I bought a plane ticket to Washington! My friend, Joe Keyes, is getting married on May 10th. Lets be honest, I'm mostly going just to visit and thought his wedding was a good excuse to go. I mean, I love the kid to death, but since I haven't been endowed, I'm not even going to be able to be AT his wedding. Sad day. Anyway...I am SOO FREAKING EXCITED to go back! I haven't been there since I moved....5 YEARS AGO! I can't believe its been that long already. Its going to be totally different, but I'm excited to see how things have changed. I'm mostly excited about seeing all my friends again, and I know it won't be exactly like old times, but I'm sure it will be like we were never apart. Oh man, I love those guys!

I decided to post some pictures of why I love Oak Harbor other than the people.

The Golf Course. Oh how I miss the good ol' days of golf practice. We just LOVED to hate it. We would do all we could to just hang out in the pro shop instead of actually practicing...but we really did love to play. I won't be playing any golf when I go back, but I sure hope I get to see where I spent all my afternoons and evenings during golf season in high school.


DECEPTION PASS!!! Okay, so it really isn't that great of a thing. Its a bridge. Thats it. It sure is beautiful though. The view is AMAZING!


Of course....THE OCEAN! I loved living on an island. It is the most beautiful place I've ever lived. I miss it a lot.

The tulips! Every year Skagit Valley has a tulip festival. I was really hoping I'd be there for it this year, but it turns out that its just through the month of April. I guess if I'm lucky there will be some tulips left over in the fields. Oh, I just LOVED to drive to Mount Vernon during the tulip festival. The fields were just gorgeous and tulips, of course, are my favorite flower! :)

JAZZ GAME!!

So here a few pictures from the Jazz game tonight.

Yes, they won. :)

A little action anyone?!



FOUL SHOT!

Oh The Joys of Life...

Okay...so this is gonna be a boring one. My life has been kind of a little bit hectic lately. You wouldn't think so. My only responsibility is my job...and I go there Monday through friday for 8 hours a day...and thats it. Of course I am a visiting teacher and need to take care of that...and I also was called to be the Visiting Teaching Supervisor, which also needs to be done..but thats it. The end. Why has time been so crazy lately, you might ask? Well...lets start with Monday. I get up and go to work...when I get home, I change and go work out for about an hour (This doesnt ALWAYS happen, but I try)...which takes me to about 6 o'clock when I get home and eat dinner...then I go to FHE at 7. Tuesdays are close to the same. I either end up going to institute or Jen's house. Wednesday is generally the day I run errands...walmart, target, the gateway...whatever...I dont really know why, but thats when I do it. Thursday, I go to enrichment or some other relief society activity or I sometimes go to Jen's house. Friday's and Saturday's...more often than not...I'm somewhere else besides home. I hang out with Donny and Liz, or go to Provo, Rexburg, or somewhere else with people. I'm realizing very quickly that I'm never home! Sunday is less hectic though. Its the only day of the week I feel like I can actually sit back and relax. Whats up with that? I have a job...thats it. Why is Sunday my only day to relax? I think my nana and papa probably think I hate being home or something, which is totally untrue, but for some reason, I just never am. I signed up for some classes online for this summer and I dont even know when I'm going to sqeeze in time to do homework and stuff...I guess we'll see what happens. So...theres my life in a nut shell (Well, actually, if I were in a nut shell I'd probably be screaming right about now, but you know, its just an expression.) Sorry I bored you all to death. Hopefully after this weekend I'll have some pictures to post.*

*I'm going to Provo tonight to hang out with friends
*I'm going on a date to a jazz game that I'm quite excited about